30+1

My 30^th birthday was nothing like I imagined it would be.   I don’t mean the celebrations.  (Though those were awesome – especially the multiple Tiffany boxes from my friends and family, orchestrated by my husband.)  I mean the actual day. 

I expected my birthday to be happy and awesome.  And it was.  But it was also sad and reflective.  As I was turning 30, my husband’s aunt was dying.  And her two beautiful, strong daughters were watching her do it.  This had a more of an impact on me that I thought it would.  My emotions shifted almost hourly, from happy and excited about my special day to nervous and mournful.

I had always planned to wear my wedding tiara for my birthday.  Any excuse to be a princess works for me and I had paid enough for the tiara that an extra wear would be good for it.  I didn’t even notice my tiara the day of my wedding.  It was almost as if I didn’t have it on. But yesterday it pinched and poked my head.  I was tempted to take it off.  Instead, each time it got uncomfortable, it reminded me to be happy – for my day and my life. 

As I taught my students and listened to them serenade me with many rounds of “Happy Birthday,” I thought about how lucky I am to have students who care, even if they test my patience and leave me feeling exhausted.  I thought, over and over, how lucky I am to have a career that I love. 

As my co-workers gathered for lunch, laughing at me as I skipped around at the sight of cupcakes from my favorite bakery, I thought about how grateful I am for them.  They supported me from the beginning of my career, my marriage, my dinner theater.  I hear about people who don’t get along with their co-workers.  I am very lucky.

As I met friends for drinks and then arrived home to my husband, only to find more gifts and piles of cards, I realized how lucky I am to have so many people who care about me enough that they thought of me on birthday, some even wanting to spend time with me for part of it. 

And, as I sat across the table from my husband, at a lovely, cozy restaurant enjoying an amazing dinner, I realized how blessed I am to have found a partner who supports, encourages, calms, pokes fun at and adores me. 

All the moments when I stopped to think of Brendan’s aunt and his two cousins, I began to feel sad at the loss and injustice of it all.  But instead it inspired me to be the best person I could be and to be there for all of the people in my life who are there for me, who matter so much.  She was a kind person, always a smile and hug for you.  She raised two proud, confident, beautiful, gracious young ladies.  Those are attributes one should strive for. 

My 20s were filled with anxiety and questions.  What if…?  Am I doing the right thing?  Maybe I should do this differently?  Only one day into 30 and I already know what I should be doing, what I want to be doing.  Life is too short and too precious to waste questioning things.  I want to embrace it all, soak it all in and give back as much as I can.  I am so happy to be 30.